The EBFF Wants You
Two sisters of senior ages argue about one signing the other up for a dating service. When a man comes to the door, they mistake him for a representative of the service; actually he is from a cat rescue group.
|VIRGINIA FLEUR & VERONICA FLEUR||Sisters who live together in Berkeley, California|
|E. WALTON WEGNER||Founder of the E.B.F.F.|
The kitchen of the Fleur home. The year is 1992
This play takes about twenty minutes.
THE E.B.F.F. WANTS YOU
|[The kitchen of Veronica and Virginia Fleur, in Berkeley, California. The two are sisters, both seniors of the energetic and attractive genre. Veronica stand by the kitchen sink, a wrench in her hand, dressed in jeans, breathing hard. Virginia is filling out a form at the kitchen table. Her garb is the other typical Berkeley style: bright, vaguely ethnic, comfortable.]|
|VERONICA:||If only I had a little more upper body strength. Maybe if I worked out on those exercise things in the park . . . .|
|VIRGINIA:||Oh, pooh. You’re twice as strong as most of the men your age.|
|VERONICA:||Since most of the men my age are dead, this is not hard.|
|VIRGINIA:||Oh, well. You only need one. It’s not that serious if a few are no longer available.|
|VERONICA:||But where ARE they when you NEED them? I simply to do not have the strength to manage this.|
|VIRGINIA:||[Getting up to put her arm around her sister.] Don’t give up. Hang in there. It will only be a few days, probably.|
|VERONICA:||A few days! Virginia, we’ll be a terrible mess if we try to live without the kitchen sink a few days. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were the bathroom, but the kitchen!|
|VIRGINIA:||The sink! Oh, the sink. We can get a plumber for the sink.|
|VERONICA:||Yes, of course we can, but I hate to. It costs a for– Wait a minute. What did you think we were talking about? What are you doing there? E.B.F.F . . . . What is this form?|
|VIRGINIA:||It’s a wonderful new organization. I heard about it on KPFA.|
|VERONICA:||[Reading] East Bay Fellowship File. Not another religion. We still have eight jars of gefilte fish from the time you were Jewish. And those awful Hare Krisha robes. I don’t know why you don’t give those away. Such a dreadful color.|
|VIRGINIA:||I just thought we might use them for a Halloween party some day.|
|VERONICA:||Not a chance. I like to look prettier for costume parties. [Picks up form, reads it.] If it’s not a religion, what– Virginia! This is one of those dating services, isn’t it? Why are you signing up for a dating service? You’ve never even liked men, especially.|
|VIRGINIA:||So what? It could be to meet women.|
|VERONICA:||Is it? They have a lesbian dating service now? Well, times have changed.|
|VIRGINIA:||Well, not exactly. No, in fact.|
|VIRGINIA:||No, it’s not a lesbian thing.|
|VERONICA:||Well, what is it then? Why are you suddenly, at age 72, turning–hetero?|
|VIRGINIA:||I’m not. I’m signing you up.|
|VERONICA:||Me? Oh, no, you’re not. What for?|
|VIRGINIA:||To meet a man. You like them.|
|VERONICA:||But I don’t want to meet one like that.|
|VIRGINIA:||Why not? Lots of people do it nowadays. It’s all the rage.|
When I was first learning playwriting I worked with a San Francisco group called Senior Reading Theatre. It was actually a wonderful group, created and run by a retired theatre professional. They rehearsed each play a number of weeks, collected up as many costumes and props as they could carry, and went to 15 or 20 different senior residences performing the play. The audiences were extremely enthusiastic, and the places usually provided a snack. It was wonderful for everyone, including me, a new playwright who got wonderful practice at her craft. Sadly, I didn’t have enough sense to get photographs.
This play was published in a book called SENIORS ACTING UP, and was then taken up by groups around the US, and even one in New Zealand.