And The Winner Is
A young reporter has an unfortunate reason for not wanting a Pulitzer.
ANDREW—Actor in New York, about 30
COLLY—Reporter for the New York Times; about 25
MARGOT—Andrew’s cousin, about 40
Andrew’s studio apartment; the play takes about ten minutes.
| [Andrew Pulitzer, a man of about thirty, is executing some dance moves over a large exercise ball in his studio apartment in the Lower East Side of New York City. There is a knock; he does not get up.] | |
| ANDREW: | Go away.
[Another knock] Nobody’s home. [Again.] Shit. [Opens door a crack. It is a young woman.] I don’t care how close you are to a trip to the Bahamas, I’m not buying. |
| COLLY: | Mr. Pulitzer! This is an emergency! Please. |
| ANDREW: | [Opening a bit more] How did you know my name? |
| COLLY: | I saw your show last night. Oh, look there’s your ball. That stuff you do with it is amazing! You’re so talented…You dance beautifully, you have an excellent singing voice, and you’re a good actor, too. |
| ANDREW: | Thanks. What sort of “emergency” do people go to off-off-off Broadway actors for? Do you live here? I’ve never seen you before. |
| COLLY: | If I could just explain. I know I was meant to meet you! When I went by the “Outhouse Theatre” last night and saw your name, “Pulitzer”, on the playbill I knew somebody wanted me to live, and instead of going to the Empire State Building to jump off I bought a ticket. Seriously. |
| ANDREW: | The Empire State Building observation platform closes at seven anyway. You wouldn’t have gotten in. |
| COLLY: | You see, I can’t even die right. |
| ANDREW: | The Brooklyn Bridge is open all night. |
| COLLY: | You think I’m kidding. Well, fine, thank you. Good afternoon. |
| ANDREW: | No, wait. Miss—–? |
| COLLY: | Flower. Colly Flower. |
| ANDREW: | Colly Flower. |
| COLLY: | You see. From the time I was born—Well, how could a person actually succeed in life with a name like Colly Flower. |
| ANDREW: | They could have chosen Rose. Or Petunia. |
| COLLY: | You are so lucky to have something normal like Andrew Pulitzer. Though I am hoping, hoping, that you actually are related. |
| ANDREW: | Not that it does me much good. I’m one of Joseph’s great grandchildren. |
| COLLY: | You see, that’s my problem. The Pulitzer Prize. That’s why I was going to—do it. You see I’m a reporter and my story has actually been nominated and might actually win! And you see– |
| ANDREW: | See here, Ms. Flower, you can’t be a reporter and be so naïve as to think I can get it for you. You need to do your background research better than that. |
| COLLY: | No, of course not. |
| ANDREW: | And it you don’t get it—I mean thousands of fine writers never get Pulitzers, or are even entered by their Editors. |
| COLLY: | But I was! That’s just it. And now I’m one of the three nominees! |
Many of my plays are influenced by my reading the newspaper, which is one of my oldest addictions. In this play, the reporter has made up a story, which is something that makes the news from time to time. It’s another play where I try to present a serious issue with as much humor as possible. I like to both give the audience a fun time, and leave them something to think about.